My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
