Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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