i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
