I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
