i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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