rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
