Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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