I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
