I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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