So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
