HIV tests are more positive than that guy
farters have to be the big spoon...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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