you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
