So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
