Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
