Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
