Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
