I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
