Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Randomize
