I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
