i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
