yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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