I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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