the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
