ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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