Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
