White coat. Heels.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
