how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
