What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
