just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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