I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
