I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
