Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
