I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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