Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
