I could have mohawked her pubes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
