dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize