sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
