meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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