So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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