Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize