I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize