Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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