My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
