Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
