Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
