my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
