Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
