haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ladies don't puke and tell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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