I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need a beard to bite.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
