we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
