Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just cropdusted the office
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
