I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
