you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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