he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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