Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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