Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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