Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
