so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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