I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
