Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
