And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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