I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
