I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
