I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
